Sunday, November 06, 2005
Been a while since I've been here. Now that it's back to fucking cold weather I guess I might start blogging again.
Sunday, March 13, 2005
Save me Jebus!
I'm so glad we live in the U.S.A. We don't have to worry about crazy religious people killing us for no reason. Not like them "crazy" Arabs do.
Oh wait.
Nevermind.
Fucking weirdos.
Oh wait.
Nevermind.
Fucking weirdos.
Someone needs a hobby.
Some dude found my blog by searching for "blumpkin pics" HA!
Saturday, March 12, 2005
I had three girlfriends, but wasn't sure which one to marry. So I decided to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spends it.
The first one went out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and comes back to my place and says, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much." I was very touched and aroused, and we had lots of great sex.
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and brings them back to me as gifts. This sweet girl looked into my eyes and said, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much." I watched my new television with great enjoyment!
The third one takes the $5000 and invested it in the stock market, doubled her investment, returns the original $5000 to me and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much." She has enough to buy me a new boat.
I thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money and decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.
The first one went out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and comes back to my place and says, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much." I was very touched and aroused, and we had lots of great sex.
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and brings them back to me as gifts. This sweet girl looked into my eyes and said, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much." I watched my new television with great enjoyment!
The third one takes the $5000 and invested it in the stock market, doubled her investment, returns the original $5000 to me and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much." She has enough to buy me a new boat.
I thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money and decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Biggie Smalls is the illest
RIP Biggie.
" like two dicks and no bitch, find your self in some serious shit"
" like two dicks and no bitch, find your self in some serious shit"
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Even in death some people are assholes.
Let me tell you of a little story of a drunken asshole. Sit back and grab a Miller.
When I was a wee lad our next door neighbor was a thorn in our side. He lived in a house with his drunken brothers and a old ratty looking dog named "rags" The only two guys from the house I remember are Norb and his brother "cowboy" but there had to be like 5 or 6 brothers. They where all white trash and passed the time by getting drunk as shit and kicking poor "rags" around the yard. My brother and I were always told to never have anything to do with "the assholes next door" as they came to be called. Everyone hated them. They didn't give much reason mot to be hated. On the other side of our house lived my Grandparents. Good people, old farming type people from Kentucky who knew the value of hard work. My Grandpa was retired from GM and was living the good life. Enjoying his last years of life with his wife.
My Grandpa died in June of 1984. Or somewhere around that time. It was a sudden thing. He was crushed by a tree he was cutting down on his property so he could repair the fence. Something he had done probably a thousand times in his life. This was his last. Not good times to say the least. He was a well liked man. He was a good man. He was everything the "assholes next door" weren't.
One day Norb from the assshole clan stoped by my grandmothers. I really don't know why he did or if he brought flowers or what. My brother and I were pretty young. around 10 or 11 at the time. So we wasn't exactly sure of all the things that went on. Well one stop a week turned into everyday. That turned into him helping her around the house. Next thing you know Norb moves in. Now if you can imagine if your grandmother was living with some dude everyone hated, including her, how odd that was. It caused alot of drama in the whole family. No one could talk sense into her. Everyone could see what he was doing. Taking advantage of her and her money. And my grandpas money.
He would still drink. He would still kick rags. He even treated her like shit. He was an asshole thru and thru. Me and my brother got older and many days thought of going over there and beating the living shit out of him. But we didn't. There wasn't much any of us could do. Just sit back and watch him steal her blind. About ten years ago Norb had a massive heart attack. The DR. said he might live another six months. TEN YEARS AGO! It was about this time that my Grandma starting showing signs of alzheimer's. Noone really gave it much thought. She would just forget stuff here and there. No biggie. It of course got worse over the years. It is now pretty bad. She can't find the bathroom. She forgets if she ate. Shit like that. Now this is where I will give Norb some Props. The last few years he did take care of her. He made the meals and cleaned up. Without him there she would have to go into a nursing home or live with someone. Thats all the props he gets.
Norb died this morning. Ten years after he should have. Heart attack. He was in a coma for a few days. He even started breathing on his own. But it the end he lost the battle. Now I don't want to sound like a total asshole. I hate to hear that someone has died. I feel for the family and friends. Pretty much all of us have been there. It's a sad time. But I just can't bring my self to sorrow that much for him. He took more from my grandma than any of us will ever know. Turns out Norb "bought" a couple cemetery plots a few years back. So he and my gramdma can be together forever. Made the funeral arrangements and everything. All on my grandmas dime of course. Norb never worked a day in his life outside of a few painting jobs here and there.
Turns out Norb didn't buy shit. He is going to get cremated. As the title says even in death some people are assholes. Even beyond the grave norb will always be known as "the asshole next door"
When I was a wee lad our next door neighbor was a thorn in our side. He lived in a house with his drunken brothers and a old ratty looking dog named "rags" The only two guys from the house I remember are Norb and his brother "cowboy" but there had to be like 5 or 6 brothers. They where all white trash and passed the time by getting drunk as shit and kicking poor "rags" around the yard. My brother and I were always told to never have anything to do with "the assholes next door" as they came to be called. Everyone hated them. They didn't give much reason mot to be hated. On the other side of our house lived my Grandparents. Good people, old farming type people from Kentucky who knew the value of hard work. My Grandpa was retired from GM and was living the good life. Enjoying his last years of life with his wife.
My Grandpa died in June of 1984. Or somewhere around that time. It was a sudden thing. He was crushed by a tree he was cutting down on his property so he could repair the fence. Something he had done probably a thousand times in his life. This was his last. Not good times to say the least. He was a well liked man. He was a good man. He was everything the "assholes next door" weren't.
One day Norb from the assshole clan stoped by my grandmothers. I really don't know why he did or if he brought flowers or what. My brother and I were pretty young. around 10 or 11 at the time. So we wasn't exactly sure of all the things that went on. Well one stop a week turned into everyday. That turned into him helping her around the house. Next thing you know Norb moves in. Now if you can imagine if your grandmother was living with some dude everyone hated, including her, how odd that was. It caused alot of drama in the whole family. No one could talk sense into her. Everyone could see what he was doing. Taking advantage of her and her money. And my grandpas money.
He would still drink. He would still kick rags. He even treated her like shit. He was an asshole thru and thru. Me and my brother got older and many days thought of going over there and beating the living shit out of him. But we didn't. There wasn't much any of us could do. Just sit back and watch him steal her blind. About ten years ago Norb had a massive heart attack. The DR. said he might live another six months. TEN YEARS AGO! It was about this time that my Grandma starting showing signs of alzheimer's. Noone really gave it much thought. She would just forget stuff here and there. No biggie. It of course got worse over the years. It is now pretty bad. She can't find the bathroom. She forgets if she ate. Shit like that. Now this is where I will give Norb some Props. The last few years he did take care of her. He made the meals and cleaned up. Without him there she would have to go into a nursing home or live with someone. Thats all the props he gets.
Norb died this morning. Ten years after he should have. Heart attack. He was in a coma for a few days. He even started breathing on his own. But it the end he lost the battle. Now I don't want to sound like a total asshole. I hate to hear that someone has died. I feel for the family and friends. Pretty much all of us have been there. It's a sad time. But I just can't bring my self to sorrow that much for him. He took more from my grandma than any of us will ever know. Turns out Norb "bought" a couple cemetery plots a few years back. So he and my gramdma can be together forever. Made the funeral arrangements and everything. All on my grandmas dime of course. Norb never worked a day in his life outside of a few painting jobs here and there.
Turns out Norb didn't buy shit. He is going to get cremated. As the title says even in death some people are assholes. Even beyond the grave norb will always be known as "the asshole next door"
Saturday, March 05, 2005
Some people seem to have a hard time grasping good advice. No matter what you tell them or how hard you try to explain they just don't listen. I work part time at a pet store. 98% of the business we do is fish related. Now I'm not expert by any stretch of the imagination but having kept tropical fish for the last 15 years I do know more than an average rookie.
Thats why I work at a petstore. I'm not there just to make the place good. I give advice. All for free. All you, the consumer, have to do is take it. But sometimes that isn't easy, is it?
Case in point. Man buys angelfish. Then wants a Betta. (Siamese fighting fish) I explained to him that the Angels and Betta won't get along. The Angels will end up nipping all the fins off of the Betta. But sice this guy has been the hobby for two months he refused to listen. I bagged up the Betta and sent him to his watey grave.
I'm sure he will be back. Screaming that we sold him a Betta that is now dead. Thats why jackasses like him do. I'm off to get ready for an 8 hour shift at the pet store. I'm sure we will have a few more experts in today. happy fishing.
Thats why I work at a petstore. I'm not there just to make the place good. I give advice. All for free. All you, the consumer, have to do is take it. But sometimes that isn't easy, is it?
Case in point. Man buys angelfish. Then wants a Betta. (Siamese fighting fish) I explained to him that the Angels and Betta won't get along. The Angels will end up nipping all the fins off of the Betta. But sice this guy has been the hobby for two months he refused to listen. I bagged up the Betta and sent him to his watey grave.
I'm sure he will be back. Screaming that we sold him a Betta that is now dead. Thats why jackasses like him do. I'm off to get ready for an 8 hour shift at the pet store. I'm sure we will have a few more experts in today. happy fishing.
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Sirius satellite radio killed my car.
So I went out and bought a Sirius satellite radio for my car. It was a great day. Nice and sunny. Although it could have been a little warmer I wasn't about to complain.
Hooked up the new radio....No problems.
Called Sirius to get my service avctivated and got to speak with somone who spoke english! ....No Problem.
So far so good. for once shit was going my way. The radio seemed to work and it was really easy to hook up. ...Maybe a little too easy.
While on the phone with the Sirius Rep. the battery in my car died. Dead, gone kaput. Fuck.
Problem...I don't have jumper cables. So what does any 30 year old man do? Well, you call your mom of course.
Problem...I forgot to call my Mom of her Birthday. Yeah, I'm a world class asshole at this point. Don't worry. She let me know I didn't call.
Let me make a few things clear though....I didn't call her because she works mids. My thinking was I was just going to call her when she got up. But I forgot.
It all worked out in the end. My mom took me to sears for a new battery. She even paid for it. Wow, I guess I am a prick.
Anyway. Happy Birthday Mom.
Hooked up the new radio....No problems.
Called Sirius to get my service avctivated and got to speak with somone who spoke english! ....No Problem.
So far so good. for once shit was going my way. The radio seemed to work and it was really easy to hook up. ...Maybe a little too easy.
While on the phone with the Sirius Rep. the battery in my car died. Dead, gone kaput. Fuck.
Problem...I don't have jumper cables. So what does any 30 year old man do? Well, you call your mom of course.
Problem...I forgot to call my Mom of her Birthday. Yeah, I'm a world class asshole at this point. Don't worry. She let me know I didn't call.
Let me make a few things clear though....I didn't call her because she works mids. My thinking was I was just going to call her when she got up. But I forgot.
It all worked out in the end. My mom took me to sears for a new battery. She even paid for it. Wow, I guess I am a prick.
Anyway. Happy Birthday Mom.
